Karaoke Forums

As I read some of the conversations on this board, I wonder how many folks here have ever read Dale Carnegie and found him valuable in your personal or professional life.

My instincts are often sadly lacking in how I treat people. So I find reading Dale Carnegie EXTREMELY useful and I can't help but feel there are a few folks here who could benefit as much as myself if they read the classic "How To Win Friends And Influence People"

I apologize in advance to anyone who.might find this comment or question offensive. I am not meaning to pick on any person with this post

I do not think being offended is as much the issue as this: Given the circumstances that most of the folks on here encounter in their karaoke events, the title of the book would have to be, "How To Win Wasted Friends And Influence Drunk People"...

A lot of truth in that with a few individuals, but those are often the situations where some of Carnegie's ideas can be the most useful.

The fundamental human motivations don't change, they are just laid more bsre - (sounds sexy)

Dale Carnegie is what I call a "fake promoter". He encourages people to fake their true feelings, all in an effort to complete what he thinks is the ultimate goal in life, to get people to like you. If you can sleep at night knowing that people may only like you because you mimic words in a book, then more power to you. Here's the thing. Not all people want you to tell them what they want to hear. I personally like people who are honest and don't follow a script in a book. In fact, if I ever find out that someone has read any of his books, I instantly have a very high distrust of that person, because I then know that they believe in the art of bullshitting people to make their way through life.

Life is about doing what you believe in, and if bullshitting people is what you believe in, to me, that's not a very honorable life.

Well, that's an interesting take.

Tell me. What do you say after someone does a truly horrible job on a song at your karaoke show.

Do you say, "John, that really sucked (@$%&#!)!" If that's what you really felt about John's performance?

Because if you don't tell the truth you're bullshitting right?

Also I should add Dale Carnegie does not teach scripts of things to say he teaches principles of human behavior

Depends on whether they were really trying, knowing they can't sing vs someone who can't sing and thinks they really can. The 1st would get a legit good job statement, the 2nd I might just say there you go, give it up, etc.

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LIKE Lonman on Facebook - Lonman Productions Karaoke & my main site via my profile!

Sure, but my point is no matter how bad it really is, you aren't going to be brutally honest with the person. You're going to soften things as best you can even if you really don't want them to attempt to sing again because they are so tone deaf they can't even tell they were off..

Another scenario. The diva who has to sing next because ... (Fill in the blank)

I'm guessing the first time they try it, you aren't going to go straight to saying "Sit down and wait your turn you selfish such and such" right out of the gate.

Actually if they ask for my honesty, I give it to them!

Doesn't apply to just divas, this syndrome can and does occur with all singers alike. Basically tell them to wait their turn.

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LIKE Lonman on Facebook - Lonman Productions Karaoke & my main site via my profile!

Everything you've said about how you handle people is in line with what Carnegie teaches.

But, there are some folks who could definitely benefit by changing how they deal with others.

Examples...

I am not good at remembering names of people I just met or people I haven't seen in months, yet...

"Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language."

Or in other areas if life I tend to blow up when I lose patience ...

"If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive,”

Or in dealing with other people.

" Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

And a last one I have found valuable...


 "... Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save face? He didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it. Why argue with him? You can't win an argument, because if you lose, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior, you hurt his pride, insult his intelligence, his judgment, and his self-respect, and he'll resent your triumph. That will make him strike back, but it will never make him want to change his mind. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

And lest I descend into violating that last one AGAIN myself, I'll leave it at that. For me personally, the man's ideas are gold.

First of all, most people never ask me what I thought of their performance. They are either bright enough to judge by the crowd reaction, or go back to their table and ask their friends, which most people like to do because they know their friends will tell them what they want to hear. But, to answer your question, I have a reputation for being very honest. I'm not degrading about it, and my go to answer is usually "That wasn't your best performance". It's completely true without making the person feel like total (@$%&#!).

It all boils down to what's more important to you, being liked or being respected. You can't ever truly have both if you follow the Dale Carnegie philosophy. If you're an honest person, over time you gain a reputation for being honest and virtually all people respect that. If people also happen to like you, then they like you for the real you and you have the best of both worlds.

If you follow the Carnegie philosophy, you can't ever look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that people like the real you. You have to look at yourself and know that people only like the person Dale told you to be. Many people have no problem living a life of following the script of another person. It is said that most people by nature are sheep and not shepherds, but human sheep at least get to choose who their shepherd is. Even if I was a sheep, I surely would not choose Dale as my shepherd.

I have a terrible memory, can remember faces, but names - not so much if they haven't been in in a while. But I will talk with them, and make them feel like I remember and when they tell me to "just put something up for them" I tell them to fill out a quick slip for the rotation, at the very least 'their name' - which is partly why I still like to use paper slips.

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LIKE Lonman on Facebook - Lonman Productions Karaoke & my main site via my profile!

I need to improve at all aspects of controlling my show. I try to get the singers to use slips, but a lot of them still just want to run up and tell me and take off before I really get a chance to talk to them.

So I'll recognize a face and be thinking was that June or Jane and I have to rather sheepishly admit I forgot. I hate when that happens.

How do you get the ones who don't want to sing one bring one to fall in line, Lonnie?

If I remember the songs they sing, I will sometimes go into that specific songs history (exclusive feature in Hoster) and can usually get their name from that.
As far as no sing one bring one, if they are regs I'll put up something from their history. But I do st least require that 1st slip from them

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LIKE Lonman on Facebook - Lonman Productions Karaoke & my main site via my profile!

Guess I need to try that. The bar I'min bow has had karaoke a long time, but the last company before me didn't require people to fill out the slips, so the singers are a tad spoiled.

First of all..... I recommend taking a breathe and figuring out the areas where you can control things, and where you need to give in to your customers. Then, figure out how you can make both happen at the same time.

There are advantages - and disadvantages - to eliminating slips and just letting folks come up to submit name/song.

My take on slips.....

I have not used slips in 6 years *except* when explicitly requested to do so. Even then, I have managed to eliminate slips by just telling people over the mic to come up to give me their info.

Why?

Mostly because I prefer interaction with patrons specifically to help me remember names. (that addresses your "remembering names" concern). Also because dealing with golf pencils and printing paper slips is a pain in the (@$%&#!) (not to mention wasteful).

For the people that "run off", a simple "How's it going tonight?" is a simple way to get them to stay for a moment while you type in their info.

I can post more tricks on this this weekend if you are interested.

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-Chris

Chris, with the level of success you have enjoyed in the karaoke business I am very interested in anything you have to say on the subject.

And the same for Lonnie because of how many years he has managed to keep a show in one venue. Very impressive!

It doesn't really help me address that issue (and I'm not saying that because I don't operate a show via PC). I have the same issue as Lonnie with remembering people's names. I may have even taken that to higher levels. You could introduce yourself to me for the first time, and within 5 minutes, I may have forgotten your name. I could even know you for years, and still not remember your name. There are several people I've known at my job for years (working in different departments), and I still don't know their names (but they know mine), yet I can have conversations with them for lengthy periods of time, and never once work their name into the conversation.

Here's an old trick that I used to use (back in my College days)... I'd be hanging out in one of the Student Center Club Rooms with a group of people that I knew (but couldn't remember all of their names). Some "Newbie" enters. I would welcome him/her into the room and introduce myself. Then I would say, "Why don't you introduce yourself to everyone here." That "Newbie" would then do so, and each of the other people in my group would proceed to introduce themselves.

Names are challenging for me as well, yet they are absolutely critical.

I have been toying with the idea of a singer scrapbook.

1) log name
2) photograph singer
3) matchup names with singers.
4) create virtual scrApbook to review on computer to help.learn names

Right now, I just try trick of repeating name 3 times while I talk to singer. It helps, but it isn't perfect.

Another trick to picture singer in imagination in a way that helps you remember.

e.g. "Derek"

I picture Derek dressed as a Dominoes delivery driver. Dominoes hat on head. Dominoes in one hand. Dominoes pizza in other. Derek and the Dominoes. I recall Derek pretty easily.

But there are still problems. I met a young girl name Tamiko a few weeks back.

Sounds Japanese, but she's a Caucasian girl with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes

I saw her today and couldn't recall anything except she had a Japanese name, but I couldn't recall the actual name.

There was a young girl named Tamiko....

Finish the Limerick and you'll never forget that one again.

"Picasa" by Google (it's a free photo app) has a great facial recognition program that will greatly help in keeping names with faces.