Karaoke Forums

I thought about posting this in the "Water Sippers" topic, but I think there's a bit more to it than that...


I have this friend (within a circle of friends) who never comes out with us unless he is taxied by one of us to and from the place. Not only that, he very rarely spends money when he’s out at Karaoke. On rare occasions, he’ll buy 1 soda or 1 cup of coffee (sometimes, he even goes outside to buy that cup of coffee and brings it back in to the place). Usually, we’ll all sit at a table together and order drinks, while he has Water. Now, I don’t like to sit at the tables when we go out to a Bar, because then when the Waitress comes over to serve us, we don’t get “Buy-Backs” (this is a New York thing at Bars). The problem here is, since he’s not ordering anything (other than Water), it’s awkward for us to stay seated together at the Bar area. Sometimes, when we are sitting at a table (when there is no Waitress service), we’ll give him money and send him up to get our drinks.


Sometimes, we go out together in a group, and sometimes it’s just 1 or 2 of us that go out. I have a weird work-schedule, so sometimes I don’t get to hang out with this person for several weeks at a time. One night, I had called him up and asked if he wanted to go out to a new place for Karaoke. It was going to be just the 2 of us that night. Well, the show was supposed to begin at 9 PM, and it was about 8:30 when I called him. He said that he needed to shower, get dressed, and then walk his dogs before he could be ready (apparently, he doesn’t walk his dogs at a regularly fixed time). All told, he said it would take him at least 1 hour to be ready to leave. Well, I mentioned that parking in that particular neighborhood was very scarce, and I didn’t want to wait that long either. He said that he missed hanging out with me (because we hadn’t seen each other in almost a month), and I suggested that he take care of what he had to do, and then if he really missed my company, he could hop on a train and meet me at the place. He then made up all sorts of excuses to not have to use Public Transportation. We didn’t hook up that particular night.

2 nights ago, we were supposed to go out with a group of people. It ended up being just me and him. I picked him up and drove us to the place. I then had us sit at the Bar (near the end). I drank throughout the evening, and he had 1 glass of Water. AMAZING!!!! He milked that baby for 3 full hours.

My friend told me about one night when she was out with him. They were sitting at a table, and they saw this guy trying to get the Bartender to buy him another drink (because he didn’t have enough money). In observance of all of this, he (the person I’ve been talking about) said, “That’s a shame. If a person can’t afford to go out, they should just stay at home.” She was telling me, it was all she could do, short of biting her tongue, not to say anything in response to that.


This guy is an extremely funny person. Whenever we’re hanging out at a Karaoke Show, he’ll have us laughing in stitches. He’s got a very good singing voice, and he’s got a great personality. Right now, his life has gone through some drastic changes. A few months ago, he had to quit his job, because his employers made it next to impossible for him to continue working there. He was at the point where the demands being made were making him physically ill. Since he quit, he has not been able to find a new job (yet). He was getting paid off the books, so he can not collect Unemployment. He lives alone, and has been living off of his savings to pay the rent and his other expenses. Mind you, all of his habits (mentioned in the first paragraph) were the same long before he left his job. We just feel too guilty to say anything now that he’s out of work. We’ve known this guy for too long, and we don’t want to hurt his feelings.


I have discussed this with one of my friends, and she feels that since we’ve accepted this for several years, we’re sort of resigned to the situation. How would you deal with this? We enjoy his company around us, but sometimes really feel imposed upon as well. Would you say something, or would you just grin and bare it?

Tell the guy the truth.

I should also add....

It's not easy to just exclude him by not inviting him out with us. A lot of times, he'll call us up and ask if we're planning on going out. I/We don't want to lie about it, and then have to face him at a later date if he should hear that I/We went out without him (after he had called and asked). It's just plain embarrassing and hurtful to suddenly receive a call asking, "Why didn't you tell me you were going out?" and then lie about it by saying, "We suddenly changed our minds at the last second."

Tell him!

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Imagine!

You've told it to us here pretty well. Maybe tell him the same story. Might start out with something like, "You're a good friend, so I want to be honest with you. Please don't take this wrong, I'm telling you because I like you and we all want to keep the friendship which has evolved among us". Then just tell the same story.

It's always hard, cause ya don't want to hurt his feelings, or have him take it the wrong way. The bottom line though, is if you lose the friend, maybe he wasn't as good of a friend as you thought (or were hoping for), or your friendship will grow even stronger because of your honesty.

I don't see what's so awkward. Whether he physically goes with you in your car or not is your decision. As for what he buys or doesn't buy is none of your concern. If the bar has a problem with this, they will bring it up with him. I am not a big drinker, a beer or two, I like to keep my wits about me. The day someone gets in my face to drink more is the day they will feel my wrath. So other than him bumming a ride with you, you have no say and shouldn't even care if he buys or not. If you don't want him bumming a ride, charge him for it.

Come on cueball I'm not THAT bad!!! your friend, lost and confused

Some people don't drink. I know several that don't. The fact you said he did this when he WAS working tells me that he doesn't drink - or does so in very minimal consumptions. Could be health reasons there.
As far as picking him up & dropping him off, if that's what you all have been used to & never said anything before, that's probably what's become expected. Only speculation, but maybe he doesn't feel safe riding public transportation?!?!
If you don't feel like doing it anymore - then don't, but tell him why. If it isn't that big of a deal, then go ahead & pick him up every once in a while.
But the drinking thing shouldn't be an issue. True he could buy a round for everyone else if he felt so inclined to do so or buy food to support the club, but I wouldn't make that big of a deal of it personally.

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Ditto to what Lonnie posted, its old news so how can it be changed now except tell him, or stop hanging out with him....just my 2cents

Jimmy, in answer to your question, no. But that is a moot point too, because usually, when we get up to get our drinks, he'll ask us to bring him a glass of water. And, when we send him up to get our drinks, we tell him to take $1 out of each of our individual orders to tip the Bartender. When he goes up to get his own water (which is rare), I have not seen him tip.

I have a singer who drinks coffee or soda (you DO NOT want to drink tap water here), at then end of the night he always tips the waitress big.

I am NOT a drinker, I don't like the stuff. I will drink soda, or coffee too and tip well at the end of the night.

IMHO: If I have to get up from my table and go to the bar, why should i be tipping somebody, I did 90% of the work. The bartender didn't come to my table and ask if we needed something else. If the waitstaff come to the table and see if we need more drinks, then they deserve to be tipped. Just so you know, most of the places we go for karaoke serve food, so I, being a large person, EAT.... so I put a $10 food tab away easily at most places (the food is just that expensive), and i will tip the wait staff.

cueball, tell your friend, "Dude, i know money is tight, but these places support paying for their entertainment through customers spending a little bit of money; you really ought to buy some paid drinks (be it soda, coffee, etc)

I'd tell him the next time he asks, Steve!

Mention that you didn't want to lose his friendship, but his economic situation (currently) really puts a hurt on how you guys feel. Don't even mention that this is the way he was before! ! That's just being a tightwad! !

IF he brings it up, shrug your shoulders and say, "Well, THAT was begging to get to us too! But we are more sympathetic with your situation now. We didn't want to impose ANYTHING!"

I also like BJC's suggestion. Many people will get put on the spot and say something like "Awww, you know I'm not workin' now, I can't afford it!"


To be less than honest with your friend hurts your own honesty Steve! Like it was said in "Hamlet", 'to thine own self be true!" In fact, that whole speech by Polonious to his son Laertes is a good one to think of for now! !

"... And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man..."

http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/ham ... t.1.3.html

Matt

My wife rarely drinks alcohol. She is the designated driver and I am the designated drunk. I have friends who are milkers and water drinkers. They have been for years. Some venues have had a problem with their lack of contributing to the cause, but most of the time it's not an issue. Most of these people are on fixed incomes or something like that. It's not that they don't drink, it's that they don't have the money to drink. They are more than wiiling to accept that occasional free drink.

Now I could see where this could be annoying to some people, but I feel that there are those of us that more than make up the difference with the amount we spend.

As for catchin' a ride, well arround here that's pretty comman. We live in a depressed area, or depressing depending how you view it. I guess I don't mind helpin' other people. My wife says I'm easy, but I prefer generious. Any way ya can't take it with you, and maybe someday I won't be able to afford a drink or ride either.

A good example of what I'm sayin', is going to happen tonight. A buddy of mine KJs at a place in the next town on Sundays. On any given night about a fourth of the crowd are water, coffee and soda drinkers. Of these about half are milkers. They also constitute a good portion of the regulars. The management doesn't seem to mind. So what's the harm?

This group consist of single mothers with low income, dissabled people and the unemployed. I guess the reason I don't have a problem with this group, is that but by the grace of God, I don't presently have these problems.

I don't know if my ramblings make any sence or even apply, but it's my two cents.[/img]

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